I Don't Need to See Your Best Self

I rather see your favorite self.

Jealous of how relaxed these birds look at my weekly beach walk.

I sit and stare at a blank screen for what feels like far too long when I try to write anything personal. 

Case in point: my essay about my father’s death had me crying and constantly wiping a small circumference of tears until I felt ready to write the first sentence. I then deleted it and swore whatever I wrote would never see the light of day.

Heck, even whatever I write needs to be just so. I’m told by experts I need to write with purpose, evoke some sort of emotion, entertain or educate. And if I want an audience to stick around, I need to write something compelling enough that whatever I ask (like subscribe or upgrade to paid), people will comply.

In other words, I need to show up as my best self.

My best self is someone who has breakfast on the table for her husband and kiddo. Someone who gets in the car at exactly 7:35 am so that I don’t get caught in too much traffic so that I make my son late for school, yet it’s not too soon that I drop off my son too early that I look like I can’t wait to dump my son off to his teacher for the day.

Or, my best self is someone who is able to put aside her weekends to put the last minute touches on a project I’m working on for a worthy nonprofit. But you loved it, you say. Yes, I did. But it required that I sat inside editing words while my son and husband played outside and having the time of their lives. Which happened for six weekends in a row, by the way.

I say being your best self requires too much effort. That you need to show up in the way society says you should, which frankly is way too exhausting for my liking.

Being your best self requires that you constantly think about your image, how you present yourself to the world, and whether the way you act feels appropriate. 

Maybe it’s time to get a little selfish. 

Let’s set aside our best selves for a moment and figure out how to become someone you like.

Becoming your favorite self.

What would this person like? 

Would you rather watch beloved cartoons from your childhood instead of feeling like you have to cram your days with self-help books? 

Or perhaps go without makeup for an afternoon while strolling around a fancy department store?

What about calling a friend out of the blue and be ok with canceling plans to get together this week because, frankly, you’re freaking tired?

It’s possible to like yourself and still want to act in ways that seem like you’re being your best self. But when it feels like it’s too much of a chore to present yourself in a way that the world deems appropriate for you, it might be time to step back.

Go ahead.

Tell those goofy jokes not everyone will get.

Stop monetizing your hobbies.

Take a damn nap.

Your favorite self is waiting. 

I really want to hear from you: How are you going to be your favorite self?