Remove Your Distractions
Because there's nothing wrong with you ❤️
I left a meeting yesterday trying to hold it in, while every fiber of my being felt like the other person utterly wasted my time. My facial muscles ached from the forced smile. My throat tight as I stopped the quiver and desire to scream. I said what needed to be said while holding my ground. Was considerate to the other person when all I wanted to do was call them out for their incompetence.
What made me more frustrated was that I had to spend time driving to said meeting, driving home and sitting for a good 30 minutes later decompressing and shedding a few tears over it all.
One tear for the fact that I continue to have to have the same conversations over and over again for the past four years. Sure, I could have zoomed out and looked at the “bigger picture,” but four years is a freaking long time to feel like I’ve been going in circles.
Another tear for the exhaustion and hunger I felt — instant ramen with a boiled egg did the trick that day, and thank goodness I didn’t get a stomach ache like I typically do.
And a final tear for the fact that I have to work with a broken system, that I know there is much work ahead of me to the point where I feel satisfied. What exactly does “satisfied” mean?
I’m not sure.
For the rest of the day, I finished some loose ends with a client project, watched Father Brown, and debriefed the meeting with my husband. I had a few next steps and decided to wait until the next day to research my options.
In the past, I would have been a puddle on the floor for days after such meetings or encounters, wondering what was wrong with me. What part of me was so flawed to have me deserve this treatment. That the system wasn’t broken.
You probably know the drill: the shame and negative self-talk would spiral. It turns into a belief (even if it's a tiny sliver) of “I’m not enough” cropping into one’s head. Maybe it’s crammed alongside other variations of this belief and there’s barely any room in the brain to contain it all.
In the past I would feel paralyzed.
In the past I would yell at whoever would listen, and risk not being taken seriously.
But this isn’t the past. And I am a changing woman.
The first thing I did when I got home six months ago after a similar type of interaction was write on a bright pink post-it note which said “There is NOTHING wrong with you.”
After another encounter, I scribbled the words “Remove the distraction” on a bright cyan post-it note.
I look at these everyday, especially when I’m frustrated. Especially when I start to doubt the things to do, the very core of who I am as a person.
Because there is nothing wrong with me. Sure, there may be challenges I’m facing or I made decisions that may not have been helpful. But at the end of the day, I have not failed at being me.
And removing the distractions means to see things as they really are. To not cloud myself with the stories I make up about myself, or the situation, or how some people and systems do harm, intentional or not. It also reminds me to remove the stories so that I can see that I am inherently worthy, just as I am.
Sometimes, the next step is something small and results in a massive ripple effect in other areas of your life.
Those post-it notes helped me stay calm during frustrating meetings. Which helped me get my point across. Which in some ways helped me get closer to other people taking steps that will get me to the “satisfied” piece of the equation.
The ramen (ok, let’s be honest, it was the boiled egg) got me some much needed protein and energy to continue my research for the advocacy work I know I’ll keep doing.
It takes a whole lotta work to remove the distractions. We can spend our whole lives fixated on that.
But isn’t that the point? To get to a place where life really throws those mud pies at you, that you still stand there with your whole self intact?
Social media is the worst distraction in my life right now. And I don't even go there that often! But as a cookbook author, memoir author, and restaurant reviewer, social media is a necessary evil.
I just spend too much time on it. And always feel empty afterwards.
I'm hoping that my Substack will do away with any need to be on social media. It's getting there.
There is nothing wrong with you! Yes!
For me, in this kind of situation, it helps when I take a step back, and then look at the bigger picture and review all the things that are truly important (and note that we are on course and all is good), I will find myself calming down. Granted it doesn't always work immediately but it does help a little if not! :)