Why Is It So Hard To Define "Enough"?

I which I give you some tough love (ok, fine, giving myself some too).

Isn’t that the multi-billion dollar question?

You already know that what is enough for you is different for others.

Maybe a family with two children needs way more food than someone who is a bodybuilder eating a crap ton of protein.

Or, what feels like enough friends for you is too much for others (how do you keep up with all those messages on WhatsApp?!).

Perhaps you even began to dig into this question: you’ve calculated exactly how much money you need each month to thrive. You know how much white space you need in your day. Or you’re growing a business, and you aren’t interested in creating more offerings because what you have is fine.

To have enough means we can live our lives without excess, or the pursuit or more where we're not longer (or more) happy. We have the basics taken care of, and we can see a pretty bright future ahead. We can feel more at ease, in our financial life and beyond. We don't need to feel like we have to strive, or prove ourselves. 

The problem isn’t that we don’t know what enough means in our lives. It’s that we’re scared to lean into the concept of enough.

Hear Me Out

No, it’s not outside influences that leave us distracted and believing we will never have enough, though that is one part of it. Sure, we have shiny object syndrome and see all the ways more money can help — a fully functioning koi pond in my yard would be nice! And western culture in many respects thrives on wanting more. 

And it’s also important to acknowledge the fact that maybe you’re not quite there yet. You’re on your journey pursuing that version of enough, assuming you took the time to think about what it is.

Still, I think we’re scared. Scared we’ll stay stagnant. We’ll be bored or there is no purpose after we’ve reached enough. 

You earn enough money in your job, so you do the same thing, day in and day out.

You have enough decor in your house, so your hobby of pairing fun marble-esque nose statues (they’re real, I have one at home) together is suddenly gone.

On the surface it sounds great — no more striving and scared about money! I can finally enjoy my house! I will never be stressed again!

But that nagging feeling of believing like there’s no longer any purpose to your days still lingers.

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Dearests, if you’re on Substack and like what you’re reading on Searching For Enough please consider recommending this publication. Your readers can come to a safe space where in a world asking you to strive for more, I help them champion for living life on their own terms by listening to and acting on your inner voice.

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Here’s Where I Come In And Tell You You’re Wrong

Here’s the rub: you won’t stay stagnant. You can’t possibly. No way. It’s super duper unlikely.

First off, your needs change. You get into a partnership. There is a baby on the way. You *gasp* change your mind about your hobbies. Friends come and go. You realize your needs are no longer being met in your romantic relationship. 

What feels scary about the fluctuating stuff in life is that it requires you to be present in the face of it all. It’s damn hard. We may not even trust that we can do this, whatever the hard bits are. 

If there’s one thing I know about you, it's that you can. 

Go on, take five minutes and pull out a notebook and pen and write down times when there wasn’t enough money, or enough needs being met in relationships, or even when life threw you a curveball. What did you do? How did you handle it? Did you blow your own mind?

Life demands that we move forward, even if we’ve reached our version of enough. This forward movement means going deeper into our lives. Not outwards in pursuit of more.

I feel fortunate to have a version of enough income in my life. It could change if I decide to help my son with his university studies (if and when that happens). Inflation may demand that I make more to cover my basic necessities. That’s all fine.

For now, I’m going deeper into the way I run my business. Can I work less hours and still make my “enough” income? Is there a way I can change up the type of work that I do to make it more interesting or fun? Maybe even step back if I invest my money well so that I can reach my other “enough” goals?

Yeah, these are a lot of questions. But they help me to shift from the fear of being stagnant to morbid curiosity. 

That’s what I want for you. To take that multi-billion dollar question and answer it. Again and again. As long as it takes for you to believe you deserve and act on enough.

I’d love to know: What version of enough are you working towards? Or are you already there (and what is it)?