Different Perspectives on 'Enough'

Where several of my favorite Substack writers answer some rapid-fire questions on enough.

At the top of Mont Royal after a silent meditation retreat. Standing here felt enough.

Dearests,

Part of my journey to enough has been to seek those who are on a similar path. It’s nice to know there are others who are tired of chasing for more and finding their own version of a satisfying life. Of course, I, being the ever-curious person, want to get inside people’s brains to see what they think about the concept of enough and what they’re doing on their journey.

I’m so thrilled to have four of my favorite Substack writers agree to answer a few questions on how they’re finding ‘enough’ in their lives.

In no particular order:

Lani from No Girl is an Island

Mika from Musings from Mika

Maddie Burton from On the Cusp

Rachel Ooi from Conscious Living

Although I asked the same four questions, all provided such unique and vast answers, I’m sure you’ll love them as much as I do.

Ok, I’ll let them take it away!

1. If an alien came from outer space and asked you what "enough" means, what would you tell them?

Lani: Stop + quantity = enough

Mika: For me, “enough: means feeling and being content. It means, no longer seeking or striving to feel fulfilled. You no longer rely on outside influences to tell you if you need more or less. You stop chasing, performing or pleasing others at the expense of your own well-being. It’s having a voice and getting to decide what is “enough”. 

Maddie: "Enough" is a floor, not a ceiling, which means that finding your own version of "enough" doesn't mean that you can't keep growing or striving. It just means that you're not searching for happiness, meaning, or fulfillment somewhere else. "Enough" is a recognition that you already have access to all those things, right here and right now. It's the opposite of "I'll be happy when..."

Rachel: Since I cannot assume that the alien understands the nuances of my language, I might go for a show rather than tell approach. I’ll take out an empty glass and say, “Empty.” I’ll pour in water until there's just enough space left to hold the glass without spilling and say, “Enough.” Then, I’ll continue to pour until it overflows and say, “Too much.” Finally, I’ll pour away the extra water, present the glass filled to just the right amount again, and say, “Enough!” with a big, satisfied smile.

2. Name a specific time in your life when you didn't live in alignment with enough. What was it and how did it feel in your body?

Lani: There are a couple of instances that come to mind. First, at work, I was in a situation that I had to cope with and there wasn’t anything I could really do about, but change the way I handled it. In other words, the manager wasn’t going to suddenly become a responsible adult. I spent the first year at that job having a breakdown on Saturdays or Sundays—basically, when I was able to decompress.

The second time was when I was much younger and in an abusive relationship. I was in an unhealthy work situation as well, so it was an all around low time for me. But with Mr. Angry, I surprised myself by becoming a small, timid, submissive woman. It was a real lesson in the transformative power of relationships, how we can thrive or wilt depending on circumstances.

Essentially, there’s a real sense of grief, hopelessness, and despair that enters the body because you’re not living in alignment. And for me, that shows up in my life, by trying to “control it” through mental gymnastics, and then having an outburst of tears or rage. I once heard that women show their anger through crying.

Mika: I have always felt like there was something more I should be doing—getting an education, being a better mother, keeping the house cleaner, and getting promotions at work. This constant striving kept me very busy by focusing on the next thing.

Then last year, I felt really strongly that I needed to leave my job. I followed this intuition, and it turned out to be perfect timing because I was able to be there for my mum when she was suddenly diagnosed with cancer (she’s doing well now, by the way). 

After I wasn’t needed by mum as much, I noticed I had this amazing gift of time and freedom…..but I felt weighed down. 

You see, every day I would put huge expectations on myself that I could never meet. I constantly felt like I wasn’t enough. I needed to be more and to do more. I struggled to see the good because my focus was on the list of things I didn’t get done. 

One day, I finally wrote down all the expectations I had for myself. I realized that only a robot could achieve ALL those things perfectly. I felt a huge release of pressure in my body and I was able to finally release my expectations.

Maddie: I've gone through a few big life transitions recently, and before deleting Instagram—the only social media platform I still used—my body would tense up and my heart would start racing as I scrolled my feed. And this was after I'd scrubbed it of anyone who wasn't my friend in real life! Watching other people's highlight reels during your own low moments just isn't natural, and that damaged my own feelings of enoughness.

Rachel: That would be the time when I first started working. I was excited about starting a career, earning money, and finally getting rich. Back then, I was still under the illusion that money would be the answer to everything because, when we were growing up, we did not have enough of it (hey, that’s the word again!). At that time, I was also dating someone very focused on earning as much money as possible. I forgot about what enough meant, forgot about being myself, and lost sight of what was truly important. My body felt sluggish and weak during that period, partly because of the sudden shift to sitting and working for 8 hours - a plague for all new rat race workers - but mostly because I was too absorbed in earning more and more.

3. What was a recent decision you made that aligned with your version of enough?

Lani: Sometimes ENOUGH kicks you out. It opens the door, and you have to decide whether or not to walk through it. For me, that moment occurred around autumn of last year. We were dealing with our landlady who was already overcharging us for electricity (which is illegal in Thailand, but people do it anyway), and now she wanted to raise the rent.

We decided to give it another year because we had future travel plans that we wanted to see through, and we had already looked for other places to rent. It was a tough situation, but the landlady replied while I was on a long layover back from the States, that she had already rented the apartment. We had until this date to get out.

Immediately I replied back, no problem, and I felt an elation spread throughout my body because I knew that we were finally going to leave an unjust situation. We were willing to put up with a lot in that small town, with the job, our apartment, the visas, you name it, but some other force (call it what you will) was saying, “Really? How bad do you want to stay here?”

Mika: Recently, I made the decision to turn on paid subscriptions for my free weekly Substack newsletter. Writing and connecting with fellow writers on Substack is one of my fav things, and freely sharing insights and resources is important to me. However, I realised I was not turning on paid subscriptions, because I was not fully ready to receive. I have always loved being a giver, but have been a reluctant receiver. 

Despite feeling hesitant, I took the leap, recognising that I am worthy of receiving—that my writing and contribution to the community was “enough”. I was able to open myself up to receive the support and generosity of others—and it’s been absolutely magical!

Maddie: I decided to use a portion of my savings to fund a sabbatical after my mom passed away. I realized that I had (the wild privilege of) enough money to weather time away from work, but jumping back into full-time employment wouldn't have given me enough mental or emotional space to mourn.

Rachel: My most recent decision aligning with enough was when I decided to sell one of my financial freedom pursuit projects. I had been working on it for ten years, on and off. It was a constant hum in my life, and truth be told, I was on the verge of burning out. Once I decided to sell it, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders, something I didn’t realize was there until it was gone. Realizing that I had enough and letting go of a project so dear to my heart, marked a profound moment of growth and change for me. It was time to move on.

4. What do you wish others knew about searching for their "enough"?

Lani: I think we all know when we’re reached enough. Whether or not we consciously recognize it or can do anything about it is an entirely different issue. But I believe if you try, whether it’s reading a life-changing book or applying to different jobs, something’s going to show up to help you shift out of imbalance. Then, be brave enough for you, or someone who depends on you, or cares for you to make that leap.

Mika: If you’re anything like me, you’ve likely been extremely tough on yourself. I wish I could convince you that you are MORE than enough, right now, just as you are. However, I know it’s not that simple. The truth is, discovering your own worthiness is a journey of self-acceptance. It’s seeing and celebrating your unique strengths, acknowledging and accepting your flaws (and we ALL have them), and understanding that your value can never be determined by others or external factors.

If you are on a journey of self-acceptance, please know that you are not alone. I hope that one day you will see what we see—that you are enough and you’ve always been enough.

Maddie: I think that everyone—including me!—would do well to remember that finding their "enough" is an inside job. There isn't anyone you can look to that can define it for you—or make you believe in the definition. That sounds terrifying...until you realize that it's wildly liberating.

Rachel: I wish people knew that money and material things will not make them happy. That the pursuit of success and recognition will also not bring happiness. These things will never be enough. There will always be more money to be made, bigger and shinier things to buy, and the next level of recognition to achieve. Knowing what and when is enough requires understanding what is truly important based on our values and relationship with the people we care about.

A BIG thank you again to Lani, Mika, Maddie, and Rachel for generously sharing their time. If you want to check out their work, here are some pieces I think you’ll love:

Are you still enjoying the climb?

The untold realities of leaving my job

Should you ask me where I am from?

Looking back at 15 years of living abroad

Now I’d love to hear from you? How would you answer any of these questions?