Sunrises during a stressful commute, and other seemingly unimportant parts of life that can leave you feeling enough
Or, why I shouldn't have ignored what was right in front of me this whole time
When the comparison-its rears its ugly head, I need to work extra hard to come back to my own life and look at what I’m doing and have, is enough. After all, I’ve been working all my life to get to this point (and not to brag, but life is feeling pretty spacious right now). I’m not about to ruin it and lay on a heap on the floor because Stella from Instagram decided to decorate her dream kitchen which happens to be the opposite of what mine looks like (any chance broken cupboard doors will be in vogue anytime soon)?
Lately, one of the ways I snap myself out of comparing my mind is to really stay in the present moment and look at what is happening. What tiny thing is inspiring awe, and one where I am literally the only one (or feel like the only one) experiencing what is happening in front of me right now? Is there anything that makes me pause and lives rent-free in my head (like my never-ending chore list)?
Last week, there were a total of four things that made me pause and where I went “holy crud that’s pretty cool.” Ones where I could help but stop and appreciate my life for what it is. I don’t need to be anyone else other than myself because I get to experience something so profound.
1. A sunrise during a seemingly boring 10-minute commute
Fun fact: I detest driving. So much so that when my family and I embark on our annual road trip, I do not drive unless I absolutely have to. I will happily be the navigator and risk getting yelled at if I told my husband to turn right on a road that is three feet away with a row of cars behind us.
Unfortunately, I am the one who drives my son to school. Our morning routine is pretty smooth, with me shoving cereal in his mouth while he’s laying in his bed, him obsessing over flossing his teeth, and me making sure his shirt is tucked in before getting in the car.
The 10 minute drive to drop him off? I can’t wait until it’s over. On more days than I care to admit, I wished so badly that he could ride the school bus. Seeing about five near-fatal car accidents in the last few months en route to school is enough to send my heart and head flailing to the other side of town.
One day, my cranky mood wasn’t any better when I realized that since the weather was starting to get cooler, it meant that I may be driving my son to school in the dark. Armed with a hot tea, we got in the car and I played my most cheerful songs in an attempt to not be like Statler and Waldorf.
As we were nearing my favorite intersections, both my son and I audibly gasped. The sky was full of clouds shaped like lines you’d find in a notebook. The sky, though dark, started glowing a bright orange from the middle. It looked like an oil painting. Within seconds I realized I would be driving my son when the sun would start to rise, and I’d get to see skies like this for the next several months.
I haven’t wished for my son to take the school bus since.
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2. A deer in the mist
I had just ended a really tough conversation with someone I’ve known my life thus far and it didn’t end well. I felt tender and I perceived the conversation to be unproductive. I felt hurt and wanted to catastrophize what happened. It didn’t help that I hadn't slept well three nights in a row, and had scrolled through Instagram right afterwards, seeing photos of happy folks spending time with friends and family.
Luckily, the next day a few clients had to cancel work calls, so I took the hour I would have had to work to go for a walk at a trail near my house.
It felt like the perfect fall day.
There was fog.
Both the sun and moon were up high in the sky, puffing out their chest and shining through the thick fog.
Aside from one woman walking her Golden Retriever, there was nobody else on the trail.
I walked at my usual pace, hearing the leaves and pine needles rustling underneath my feet, and trying hard to ignore the cars nearby and listen to the birds chirping above.
Growing a bit tired, I decided to turn left off one of the connector paths to end my walk early.
A few seconds later, the fog got denser (I was imagining a scene from a horror movie at this point and hoping I don’t see anything shiny in the shape of a knife coming towards me). Walking on, I hear a rustle.
Luckily I didn’t scream because three (!!!) deer — one looked like a baby — were walking across the path ten feet away from me. I stared at them, and they stopped staring back at me. What seemed like 6 minutes later, they slowly walked off the trail while I still stood there staring at them.
A few minutes later, a swarm of tiny birds chirped and landed in three trees where I was walking. I stopped and ten more flew onto another tree. A car honked in the distance, but it was mostly drowned out by these little birds.
Driving home, I realized that I could come here everyday and walk on the trail and still have time to finish any scheduled client work I had set for myself. Access to nature and what felt like an isolated rural area was within reach. Why hadn’t I known this before?
3. Condensed milk in really strong tea
I hope my husband doesn’t read this, but here goes: the coffee in our house sucks. I really tried to like it, and when I didn’t, I told myself at least it helps me wake up. Apparently I needed to torture myself the first thing in the morning. It wasn’t enough to find a morning beverage of choice I liked because somehow in my mind, a good relationship hinges on drinking coffee together in the morning.
I kept giving this coffee a chance, until I realized I could probably disguise it with a lot of milk. So off to the supermarket I went one morning hoping to buy some, and what do you know, they were out of my usual brand of oat milk.
Feeling dejected, I rifled through my pantry to see what I could find and the only thing that I thought would suffice was a small can of condensed milk.
Walking over to the coffee pot, my husband informs me he ran out of coffee. Still wanting caffeine, I decided to brew some loose leaf Ceylon black tea and forgot it for 10 minutes.
Not wanting to waste it, I put in more condensed milk to make up for the strong tea, and let me tell you, it tasted like heaven in a mug. It brought back memories of when I used to drink Hong Kong-style milk tea in my teens.
Lesson learned: it’s enough to enjoy a hot beverage with your husband in the morning. It doesn’t need to be crappy coffee (sorry dear).
4. My entire meditation group meeting together at once
I am part of a weekly meditation group committed to coming together every Wednesday morning (with the exception of holidays). But, life happens, and sometimes we can keep to our commitments. I tend to miss the most sessions in the summer because it’s usually when I’m driving up and down the American and Canadian east coast to visit family and friends.
You guessed it — other members of the meditation groups also have lives (shocker!) and can’t always make it. The energy is great whenever I join, but it’s not the same when everyone is there.
Yesterday, I was tired and grumpy (again, imagine me as Statler and Waldorf). I questioned joining so early in the morning and began entertaining thoughts of maybe I need more than this meditation group and I’m not sure joining this is enough for me anymore.
As Zoom flashed on my screen, I noticed six other faces in addition to my meditation teacher’s. All of us are here! We all collectively understood what we saw on our screens and broke out into a big grin and the meditation teacher acknowledged what a special occasion that was.
The session was one of the most insightful ones I’ve experienced in a long while. I still carry what some of the members said in my heart today.
