Yet More Perspectives on 'Enough'

Where several of my favorite Substack writers answer some rapid-fire questions on enough.

Sarah Li-Cain

Imola

Tiffany Chu

, and 2 others

Oct 18, 2024

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Dearests,

The first installment of the “Perspectives of Enough” series was so well received, I’m back for another one. It’s been so amazing to hear from you what you feel defines enough in your lives — keep them coming!

I’m also super thrilled to feature four more Substack writers who have reflected a few questions on how they’re finding ‘enough’ in their lives. Yes, one of them is the same one I asked in the last amazing roundup of writers.

Here are the amazing writers (in no particular order):

Tiffany Chu

from Notes From The Town Hermit

Allegra Chapman

from The Gathering

Imola

from The Art of Lite Living

Jeannie Ewing

from I Grow Strong Again

Although I asked the same four questions, all provided such unique and vast answers, I’m sure you’ll love them as much as I do.

Ok, I’ll let them take it away!

1. If an alien came from outer space and asked you what "enough" means, what would you tell them?

Tiffany: When you don’t need any more. When you are content.

Allegra: Enough can be a limit. It can mark a boundary. You have had enough when there is no space for, no possibility for, any more. But enough can also be a foundation. Having enough means having what you need.

Imola: If an alien asked me what 'enough' meant, I would point them to the famous Maslow hierarchy of needs. Enough, at its most basic level is your safety and security: your food, comfort, a safe and supporting environment, without a threat of physical harm. I feel that this is important to point out, because our definition of "enough" in the Western world is very different to the "enough" I have seen in my travels through India, South East Asia and Latin America. And now, as I watch the horrors unfolding in Gaza, I can't help feeling grateful for the most basic things in my life.

The next level of "enough" for me are the people in my life, the connections I have with my family members (daughters!), close friends and my partner (I don't have one at the moment, and I definitely feel the lack). At the next level of 'enough' I would point at purpose, or what the yogis call 'dharma'. Leading a meaningful life is not quite the same as a 'happy life;' it can be often challenging, but it is the fuel that propels me in everything that I do.

Jeannie: Enough means stop. It's an ending. It's closure. It's satiation. It's neither more nor less than where you are and what you have in this moment, right now.

2. How do you arrive at "enough"?

Tiffany: The thing is, it’s easy to be discontent. So easy. There’s always something to want. I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with that. Desire and want is such a human emotion. It gives us ambitions to reach for. It keeps us from stagnating. It motivates us. But it can also become a trap when taken too far.

Long ago, I learned that no matter where I was in life, I would never be content unless I made an active decision to be so.

My priority is always people and my faith. Things, jobs, even writing, can be replaced or set aside. But people I love can’t be replaced, and neither can my time with them. My family is my center; everything else is peripheral.

As for practical ways to stay centered, I use Monk Manual, a daily planner that helps me focus on what’s most important. I discovered it at the end of last year, and it has been life-changing. What’s great about it is it focuses on “being” goals, not just “doing.”

Allegra: I'm not very good at recognising enough until it's gone too far. I am a ridiculous over-achiever, so my expectations of myself are more than a little excessive. Add ADHD into the mix, and I'm left with absolutely no sense of what a realistic number of tasks or projects to take on might be. I feel I have to do all of the things RIGHT NOW, and then end up burned out and exhausted.

I'm also autistic, which means I struggle to recognise or process my emotional reaction to situations, and I'm easily convinced that I'm the problem rather than the situation. So I've stayed in toxic life and work situations for way too long because it took me a while to understand how I was really feeling, how the other people were behaving and that it wasn't on me.

I think I'm beginning to get better at reading the signs in my body when I'm reaching enough, though. I'm listening to when my body is asking for rest, and trying to let it have it! I'm also noticing my physical reactions when something isn't right emotionally and taking time to process what's going on so I can understand myself better.

Imola: It's difficult to define in words. It's more of a feeling, an instinct. My apartment is small without room for clutter, I travel with a small backpack or carry-on, and I have a small circle of the most incredible friends who I love spending time with. I have no time, nor space, for anything, or anyone that I feel is depleting my energy and/or my time. I feel this on an energetic level. If I spend time in the company of the wrong people, or even five minutes scrolling on a dating app, I get an immediate signal from my body: I feel crap, so I stop. I get away.

Six years ago I decided to cut ties with my verbally abusive father. I decided it was enough. I continue to love him, but from a safe distance. As for stuff, that is easier. I grew up with so little, so the little I have feels like a luxury to me. Being able to travel on a budget feels like a privilege. It continues to amaze me. I am always grateful. It also helps that I see friends who own multiple properties, and don't seem any happier. More properties is also more responsibility and headache, as I have learned. When I take on too much, my body let's me know, and I am a good listener :)

In terms of "strategies"/ questions, I'd say that I have learned that fulfillment is really an inside job. For example, if I feel good in my body (with the right nutrition, exercise, thoughts), I don't need to go shopping for clothes to make me feel better about myself. As long as my apartment has the basic things that I need and I keep it tidy, I don't need to cram in more stuff that would be more hassle to tidy. As long as I have a few good friends I can be myself with, I don't need to go searching for people to complete me.

Jeannie: I feel mental clarity, an inner calm, and connected both to my work and to the outside world. There's confidence that the guidance of my intuition is leading me rightly. Sometimes enough is about taking a stand and setting boundaries, but other times it means stepping back and surrendering. The key, for me, is whether I feel a sense of satisfaction and peace--which doesn't necessarily settle upon me immediately. Knowing when enough is enough can take time.

3. What would you tell your past self as she was searching for her version of "enough" and what mattered most to her?

Tiffany: As long as your beloved ones are with you and well, nothing else matters. Consider each aspect in your life. Hold it in your hands and examine it. Does it fulfill you? Is it life-giving? If not, is there something worthwhile about it? If not, maybe get rid of it.

Allegra: You don't have to do everything! You don't have to prove anything to anyone, and you don't have to earn your place here. Life isn't a competition, it's an experience. Take time to enjoy it and savour the small pleasures. You already have enough. YOU are enough.

Imola: This question gets me a little emotional, because when I was younger, all I wanted was my parents' unconditional love and approval. So now as an adult and mother, I would just lovingly say to my younger self that she was more than enough as she was. My younger self was actually not that different from my current self in that authenticity and integrity have always been my top priorities. I simply cannot lie to myself.

Jeannie: Be content with who you are today. Don't force yourself to conform. Convention often thwarts creativity. You can't compare yourself to anyone, except yourself. Even then, beware. Enough doesn't mean you're perfect or that you've arrived at some elusive destination, because these are impossible. You will know you are enough when you accept your brokenness and can view these as beautiful. Stop striving for what's next; what's next will come in time. The best you can do is show up today and respond to whatever moment you find yourself in.

4. How do you know when you aren't in alignment with "enough?"

Tiffany: My physical health is a pretty good indicator. It’s somewhat fragile and very closely tied to my emotional health. Whenever I get too stressed or overwhelmed, I will most definitely get sick, every time. I’ve gotten a bit better at being able to notice before my health starts suffering.

I have a tendency to overachieve and overestimate my capacity. Part of that is because I spent so much of my life attaching my worth to how productive I was or what I was achieving. “Bring honour to your family,” Mulan-style, and all that. Shortly before I got married, my health started declining. It forced me out of the workforce and ended my graduate studies. This shook my self-identity and sense of worth. Even though it’s been over ten years since then, I still struggle with that sometimes. It’s a long path to accepting my own limitations.

I go back to asking myself what truly matters if everything else is taken away.

Allegra: I'm tired and drained. I'm trying to do too much and wearing myself out. I'm also overlooking the value of what I already have and looking outside myself and my life for something more, which makes me feel anxious and unsettled. Alignment with enough means being able to relax, to be content. It means fulfilment and direction and satisfaction.

Imola: Again, this is a feeling that I get energetically. Something feels "off" in my body when I'm in the wrong company, or wasting my precious time on something 'empty'. I have become an expert in detecting this feeling very early on, after I had learned the lesson the hard way. I was in an unhealthy relationship for far too long, but didn't know how to leave. I tried to tell myself that it was okay. So my body had to deliver a brutal message that I could no longer ignore. Now, with the very first signals from my body, I am alert.

Jeannie: There is restlessness, agitation, tension. Sometimes this isn't indicative that I'm not in alignment with enough, but that I haven't come to terms with a change or shift or pivot in my life. Enough is a matter of perception and equilibrium, but no one can remain in that state all the time. Growth happens in stretches, so there are times when I'm not living in the place of "enough" and can accept that as motivation for me to do better and be better.