What I Learned About "Enough" After 8 Years of Self-Employment

It's been 2922 days in the trenches...

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Eight years ago, I left China and moved to the U.S.  I also left my teaching career to give a go at being self-employed.

I thought the move into self-employment would last a year or so until we settled in the U.S. and I could plot my next move. 

Surprise! I’m still here, all these years later and am so glad I made the decision all those years ago to leap into the unknown.

What was most surprising to me being in the trenches is that self-employment teaches you about who you are as a person. Some of the most profound realizations and changes I’ve made is during these last eight years.

In the spirit of celebrating this milestone (and I have a terrible habit of not celebrating these sorts of things), I want to share some lessons I learned about having and being enough in the last eight years of working for myself. 

1. At Some Point You Need to Know Why You Want More

When I first left my teaching job, all I wanted to do was to make enough to pay the rent. I had started with a healthy roster of clients before I left China, but through forces out of my control, three regular clients decided to cut off ties. 

So ultra hustle mode began.

As I made enough money to pay the rent, I set my sights on making more than what I had made at my last job as an elementary school teacher. This focus turned into working 12+ hour days, emailing old and new clients for work, and networking with other writers in hopes of getting referrals.

Earning more then became reaching my family’s goal of buying a home. Investing more money into our retirement accounts. Being able to buy a new car.

One day, I reached the elusive six-figure income. Money that is and very much still feels life-changing. 

Instead of getting excited about seeing this number in my bookkeeping software, what did I do?

I immediately thought about how I was going to double that, and proceeded to cry at how many more hours I’d have to hustle and grind to meet that.

Soon after, I burnt out to the point where I could barely get out of bed for a whole month. I saw no point in the income goal. 

Because it was arbitrary. 

Sure, making more is great. But for me, reaching a certain income threshold was enough to meet my needs, wants, and then some. I was so caught up in wanting more I failed to see the point of income goals: as a means to an end.

I was able to buy the house. The new car. Set aside money for investments. Spend money for fun and donate to causes close to my heart. What more did I need?

These days, I take a much closer look at my values, my needs, my wants and compare my income to the money required to live my version of an enough life. If I need more, I now have a goal. If not, I can keep doing what I’m doing. 

2. Rest Has to be Part of The Equation

Sounds obvious doesn’t it? I knew this in theory, but in execution, I was totally shit at resting.

Early on in my self-employment journey, I equated my worth with how much I earned, or how many hours I worked. I felt I didn’t deserve rest until I signed a certain number of contracts, sent enough outreach emails, or met enough people at work conferences. 

I also made the mistake of thinking anytime I wasn’t working on the freelance business was “rest.” As if caring for a young child, running errands, and doing life admin was “rest.”

No wonder I burnt out and felt overwhelmed the first several years after I left my teaching career.

These days, I schedule it in (like literally pencil it in my calendar) to do something fun, just for me. Even if it’s an hour on a weekday reading a book at my local coffee shop. Some days, I drive 20 minutes to a beach nearby, or 30 minutes to a hiking trail where I’ve seen dolphins, deer and wild turkeys.

I know when I don’t feel well rested. I end up feeling resentful for everything and everyone, and it affects my work, my relationships. That’s not fair to anyone. 

Exploring indie bookshops before the start of a conference.

3. It’s Ok to Let Projects Go, Even if You Like Them

The good news is that being self-employed means you have a ton of different opportunities.

The bad news is that being self-employed means you have to choose from a ton of different opportunities. 

At one point, I was being stretched thin by several different projects, and it was hard to let any of them go because I liked them. 

One of my all-time favorite projects was my former podcast, Beyond The Dollar. When I started it, there weren’t that many conversions that centered around how your life affects your financial situation and all the emotions that come with it. The guests I had on were so open. My listeners were engaged and I would receive tons of emails about the show. 

But I knew in my heart that I had set out what I wanted to accomplish with the show, and that it was time to move on. But I didn’t for another season because I liked making the podcast. 

Eventually, I decided halfway through the last season that it would be my last, and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I’m still immensely proud of Beyond The Dollar but I’m glad I decided to let it go.

Even if you’re not self-employed, maybe there are things, relationships, hobbies, other work in your life you like, but they’ve had their time and place.

It’s ok to let them go. If it’s meant to come back, it will (even if it’s in a different shape and form). 

4. You Are More Than Your Entrepreneurial Identity

Remember when I said I worked 12+ hour days early on?

That stopped, but it didn’t mean I stopped thinking about work even after I shut my laptop for the day.

Most of my friends were entrepreneurs in some way or another. I went to work conferences out of state and all I talked about there was work or how to do more meaningful work. I read business books. I listened to entrepreneurship podcasts. I talked about my hopes and dreams for my business with my husband on a regular basis.

So when I burnt out back in 2019 and stopped hustling on a near constant basis, I felt like I had a major identity crisis. Who was I if I wasn’t striving as a major successful business owner? 

When I started seeing through the other side of my burnout episode, I remember freaking out when I was on a podcast interview talking about my income. What if I don’t earn that anymore? Am I not worthy/legitimate as a freelance writer anymore?

I forced myself away from my laptop to kickstart some hobbies that I didn’t feel like I had to monetize. I grew zinnias with my kiddo during lockdown. I read cheesy romance novels recommended by new friends and loved them. I volunteered for a local organization to help pass an important piece of legislation. 

Along the way, I reclaimed and gained new aspects of my identity that were beyond “entrepreneur.” I found I didn’t want to work as much. Conversations about work mostly disappeared when the context really didn’t call for it.

These days, work fits in around my life and hobbies, and not the other way around. I’m proud of my entrepreneurial drive and my accomplishments as an award-winning writer. But those aren’t enough to sustain a well-lived life for me. Having great relationships with others and myself is. 

Roselle Hibiscus plant in my yard

5. It Really is About the Simple Things

Living a grand life isn’t about crushing it in business, having a six-figure launch, winning awards or writing a bestselling book. Basically, looking outwards for validation that I’ve “made it.”

Sure, they’re great. But what I’ve found in the last eight years is the most beautiful moments were in the ordinary moments:

• Snuggles with my son on the couch on Wednesdays when he’s on summer vacation.

• Sitting in the garden watching purple tomato plants I grew from seed while I answer some work emails.

• Driving 2.5 hours at a last-minute request on a Tuesday to testify in favor of an important piece of legislation.

• Reading the last two chapters of a book while my husband and son were at school.

• Chatting on Zoom with a business bestie while planning our upcoming retreat. 

The point about self-employment was the autonomy I got to be able to see what was enough for me and work towards that. 

Sure I want to do grand things like travel to every country in the world and win a Webby for a podcast I produce, but are they more satisfying than reading a good book on a Tuesday afternoon? 

Why can’t I take pleasure in the little moments to remind me I’m doing what I want? That I embraced the ups and down of self-employment to be able to enjoy this? 

And enjoy this I shall.